I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He passed out mid-signature
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
