Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
