My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i love accidental penises.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
