FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
