Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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