You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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