Where did you get a picture of my penis
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
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