i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
