I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
