her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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