just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
4 words: hood of his car
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
