I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have aggressive nipples.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
