woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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