I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
