I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
