She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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