using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
