People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
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Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We need a shit load of segways right now
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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