I think my fart just growled at me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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