I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
