I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
