Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
