Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
