just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
