it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
cat food counts as protein by the way
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Drunk is not a location!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
