i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
