I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
