3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
