you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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