My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize