some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
