Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
