Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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