just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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