I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
