i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
