maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
