drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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