You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
