When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
