porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
