okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
