as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
accomplished twins. life is a go
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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