I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?