i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor