I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.