I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.