I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.