Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
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Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
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How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.