my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?