They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...