her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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