yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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