I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
