Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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