nut hugger
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
not ubering you a puppy
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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