Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
