You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
