My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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