I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize