my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
