She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
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Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
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Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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