I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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