my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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