I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
