This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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