New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
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