I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
