Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
