She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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