shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
