she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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