Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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