If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
