he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
