you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
