Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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