this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Actions speak louder than pants.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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