my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
