Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
wow bdsm is so cute
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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