My nipple is on Facebook.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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