I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
